5 Different Ways to Deal with Salty People

So you have realised that salty people are all around us, and they get triggered by almost anything and no matter what you do. Well, it’s impossible to avoid them even if you’re perfect (which actually makes it worse) so here are 5 good and bad ways to deal with them:

Disclaimer: I always use method 1, and the rest are just a few other methods of approach  I have observed from many people who have used it before in similar situations. And it’s just for laughs…

1. Talk it out

The nice guy way: Take them out for a meal or just pull them to a side and have a nice heart to heart talk. Talk it out like mature adults and discuss the root cause of the problem, hopefully coming to a compromise from both sides. And the conflict will be resolved. 

Sounds easy in theory? Obviously, it’s too good to be true. Most of the times salty people won’t even agree to talk things out and the perfect plan can never be executed in the first place. He or she might even pretend to go along with you but does the complete opposite of what was agreed upon. 

If you still want to use this method, I suggest planning out your execution very carefully with these considerations in mind and not over thinking it at the same time:

• Type of approach
• Location and occasion
• Tone and choice of words
• Time of day to strike, the energy level of both parties
• Strike alone or as a group (intimidation)
• Objective and goal you want to achieve

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2. Fight Saltiness with Saltiness

Salty people never want to lose, prey on that weakness. 

1. Let them do their thing 
2. Just plant one rumour about them, letting the seed grow itself. 
3. Observe them and see how furious they get over this and watch them drain their whole life source trying to fight it back with even more saltiness
4. Once they thought they won, repeat steps 1-3 over and over again
5. Watch them break down 
6. Come in and comfort them, listen to their problems etc.
7. Repeat steps 1-6

This method is bound to earn you some karma in which you can redeem later at any time of your life. But hey, to some, worth it.

Related: Has Graciousness in Singapore’s Society Gone Down the Drain?

3. Gossip behind his back/Start Rumours

This point might seem similar to point 2 but it’s not. This method requires a lot more effort from your end too. Both parties have to actively participate in this small gossip contest (which makes both of you look bad) to start the most amount of shit possible in order to stir and cause heavy damage to the other party. There’s a difference. 

1. You heard a rumour about you.
2. You deny it and start another one about the other guy.
3. Steps 1-2 goes on in an infinite loop.
4. Both of you look like jokes.

So in this method, both of you are losing your sanity and reputation. Either that or you’re the guy being targeted by someone using method 2, and you still don’t know it. 

Related: 12 Fond Memories We All Had In Secondary School

4. Break Down and thrash it out

In this scenario, you choose to lose the salty war voluntarily, declaring yourself the loser but ending the war quickly. Here’s how to do it:

1. Break down and maybe cry.
2. Grab the guy who’s been stirring you your whole life and shout “you win! you win!” or something similar to deliver the message.
3. Act distant from the individual or group for a couple of weeks.
4. Hopefully, the individual or group will approach you and adopt the nice guy method.
5. War ended in peace?

So using this method isn’t 100% foolproof, maybe just a moderate 41% success rate. There could be repercussions like being labelled a joke, people shedding crocodile tears, starting more gossip about you etc. 

Basically, it’s not a recommended method.

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5. Organize a meeting

You can use this method instead if you weren’t initially involved in a salt war but want a taste of it:

1. Gather everyone in your workplace or any other kind of environment in a room, and then split the 2 parties on either side of the room
2. Deliberately point out the people who are involved and embarrass them.
3. Ask the rest for their opinions
4. Force both sides to thrash it out in front of everyone
5. Make it as awkward as possible for everyone

I find this method pretty effective, it’s a temporary measure to get salty people to grow up and realise what a dumbass they are. However, once salty, always salty. They are going to team up and stir about you a month or two down the road. So use this method with caution!

Related: The Bank that Takes Your Leftovers (The Food Bank Singapore)

Bonus last resort: Get in touch with BetterHelp if all that saltiness is draining you mentally. 

Hope you had fun reading this article. The best way to avoid conflicts in the first place is to set up a warm and cosy environment for everyone. If you happen to hear gossip, stop it right from the source, not help the seed grow. Please like and share! 

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