Your brain will probably hurt after reading these life questions.
1. An onion essentially forces you to cry over its dead body.
2. Why can we drink a drink but not food a food?
3. A birth certificate is just a receipt with a no returns/no refunds policy.
4. Teachers have to be at school from age 5 till they retire.
5. Nothing is on fire. Fire is on things.
6. Years from now, there will be thousands and thousands of dead peoples’ social media accounts.
7. If a dentist makes money off people with bad teeth, why would I use toothpaste that is recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists?
8. If you clean your vacuum cleaner, you’re making your vacuum cleaner CLEANER, and you are the vacuum cleaner.
9. If a blind person is dreaming, does he or her have the sense of sight and see things?
10. What if we’re missing a part of reality, but we do not have the organ to detect it?
11. What if your entire life is just your life flashing before your eyes and you are already dead?
12. Surgery is stabbing someone to life.
13. The brain had named itself the brain.
14. If the prison system serves its intended purpose, knowing that someone has been to jail before would be comforting rather than scary.
15. We pay more for professions using our brains than our muscles but look after our physical health a lot more carefully than our mental health.
16. Do identical twins only need to apply for one gym membership?
17. Bet the guy who invented the snooze function never created anything else.
18. The first dude who accidentally drew an optical illusion must have thought that he was going insane.
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19. Self-driving cars should be able to connect to smartwatches. This way, when the owner has a heart attack, the car can drive him to hospital.
20. Time acts like a little child. As long as you are watching it, it’ll stay put. But once you stop paying attention to it, it’ll run off and the next thing you know, you don’t know where your time went.
21. Is sand called sand because it is between sea and land?
22. If two vegetarians do not like each other, is it still considered beef?
23. It would be interesting to see how a world-class Tetris player packs his suitcase.
24. Brain surgery is just a bunch of brains trying to help a brain out.
25. Do dogs lick people because they are petting us back?
26. An airport is just about the only place where you can wear sweatpants while drinking a beer at 5 am and not be judged.
27. Life would be easier to gauge if we had health bars.
28. Let us take a moment and appreciate the fact that our internal organs don’t itch.
29. We live in a world where community service is a punishment.
30. The internet was created to share information but has evolved into a misinformation platform.
31. The people who take an internity to text me back are the same exact people who are constantly looking at their phones when I’m around them.
32. I would give anything, for one day, to be a complete stranger to myself and understand what I’m like from an outside viewpoint.
33. By always blaming Millenials, we are showing them that our generation (which raised them) doesn’t take responsibilities for our actions.
34. Asking people for their name is like asking what sound should we make to get their attention.
35. Astronomers in the aliens’ world may be observing our Sun and saying that “The 3rd planet is potentially habitable.”
36. The one and only word in the dictionary which is spelt incorrectly is the word “incorrectly”.
37. When a girl calls another girl beautiful, it’s not weird. But when a guy calls another guy attractive it sounds weird.
38. Technically, a lawless state would be crime free.
39. The best Spotify ad would be completely silent with a picture, so when it happens, you will check to see why your music stopped and hence, seeing the ad.
40. The loss of your dog is exactly the kind of thing your dog would’ve helped you through.
41. The letter ‘W’ starts with a D.
42. It’s amazing that every pub and restaurant out there has at least one employee who can write beautifully on a blackboard.
43. The function of a lock is to turn the door into a wall.
44. When we have kids we will understand that they can’t pause an online game.
45. The devil shakes a pitchfork, and the grim reaper wields a scythe… So is farming a huge thing in the underworld?
46. We worry more about getting a ticket for speeding than the actual dangers of speeding.
47. Browsing for a new laptop online is basically forcing your current laptop to dig its own grave.
48. The best skipping rocks are most likely in the middle of the lake.
49. In an English exam, if you asked for an extra paper you are doing great. If you ask for additional paper in a Mathematics exam, everyone knows you have f**ked up.
50. We can immediately decide whether a person is good looking – except for when we look at ourselves, in which case we are really unsure.
51. Tolkien had no idea how important he would become to New Zealand’s economy.
52. When will the day come where the phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover” will transform into “Don’t judge a video by its thumbnail”.
53. An actual Nigerian Prince will never be able to get anything done via email.
54. No one deals with rejection more than Microsoft Edge/Internet Explorer begging to be your default browser.